January 28, 2010

The day my life changed. For the better.

So these are 2 of the 5 tests I took, exactly one year ago today. Why 5? Well, I was convinced they were all false positives. You know...cause that can happen. My husband was sure WISHING that could happen I'll tell you. For something that was so unexpected, so NOT planned and so far out of the "place" that we were in our lives, there is no one that is more loved than her. Oh, it took some warming up to the idea, we heard all the geriatric jokes, we were met with the incredulous looks and all the questions....my fav from my stepson - "Are you SERIOUS????? But Dad is....old." My response, "Apparently not that old." :p

And then fast forward...and we thought we lost her. I passed a mass, I bled for half an hour, I figured it was done. I never cried so hard. This one hit me so badly, it was like my last "chance" to give Jace a full blooded sibling. The next day I couldn't understand why I wasn't bleeding. If you miscarry, which I had several times, you bleed. A lot. And I wasn't. Great, I thought, here comes a D&C, more pain, more heartbreak. So off to the ER I went.

When the u/s tech told me we had a heartbeat, I was stunned. The doctors explanation at my slightly open cervix, I had lost a twin. A TWIN! Twins at 40...oy. That's about when my DH decides to tell me that yah, he has lots of twins in his family. Thanks for the heads up!!

I think there was some divine intervention here. My half brother passed away a month before I conceived, at the very young age of 22. I always thought he had a part to play in the miracle my DH & I created. If she had been a boy, I wanted to honour his memory with my baby's middle name.

I still wake up almost every day and as I wipe the fuzzies from my eyes, I remember, she's mine, she's real and it totally makes my day when I realize she's a dream come true.